the AFTER party

Today’s Feature Friday is with my guest host Kim Berry! She is an awesome wife, mother and worshipper, plus she is my cousin! She’ll be sharing tips on life AFTER the I do’s and how most will plan for the party (the wedding) but not so much for the after party (what comes to follows).  Check out my interview with her and share your thoughts below!

Tell us a little about yourself and how long have you been married?

 I met my husband Rob in April of 2003. We became exclusive November 2005 and married November 2006.  I can’t believe we are approaching our 10 year anniversary this year! We have a son who is 4, Chase Ethan, and our daughter Khyla Jenae is 2. We live in the good Ole Sip, Mississippi that is. 🙂

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Kim, Rob, Khyla & Chase

       Wow, I remember being in your wedding and now it’s almost 10 years. Time has flown. Speaking of which, we know planning a wedding is hard work. It’s a BIG party. There’s cake, gifts & everything is perfect.  But then that’s over. No friends or family to cheer you on or light sparklers for you every day. It’s just yall.  What about when the party is over and life settles back to reality. Tell me about living through the after party.

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You’re exactly right! A lot of times we tend to get caught up in the BIG party (wedding). We make all of these plans on how we want that special day to turn out. But very rarely do we plan for the after party (the marriage itself). Don’t get me wrong because there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to make your wedding day as special as it can be. However, it shouldn’t be cherished more than the days that follow because those are what matter the most! In the same way we planned and made arrangements for our wedding, should be the same once the wedding day is over.

One tip is to plan to continue dating each other. Make arrangements to spend as much time with one another as possible. Plan your life together! Where do we want to be a year from now, 5 years, 10, even 20? What do we desire our marriage to look like? What can we do to ensure that it continues to look the way we want? Yes, I know that life happens and things don’t always go according to “our” plans. The key is to have something to look forward to continually! Get a vision for your marriage and hold on to it!

Ok- let’s talk about the power of communication.  It’s a really big deal.  We all have heard stories about couples fighting because of the lack of communication. “He doesn’t talk to me ” or “She just ignores the issues”  -What are some things we can do to improve this area in our marriages? 

 Communication is a huge factor! Something that I’ve learned throughout the course of our marriage is that I’m not ALWAYS right! This may sound may sound like an easy concept to grasp, but that’s not always the case. It’s important to realize that no two people think exactly the same, not even identical twins. Realize that your opinion is not necessarily the best opinion nor is it the only opinion that matters. Something that’ll help with this is to learn to value the opinion of your spouse more than anyone else’s aside from God. After all, this is the person you go home to every night and wake up next to every morning. This is the person to whom you said “I do and I will.” The one you vowed to share your life with. Your own dad & mom’s opinion shouldn’t hold more value than that of your spouse. Your homegirl’s or homeboy’s opinion shouldn’t be valued over the opinion of your spouse. There’s nothing wrong with taking friendly or wise advice, however don’t allow their words to hold more weight than the words of your spouse. That’s another reason it’s vital to spend time together, the more time you spend with a person and grow relationally with them the more you hold them dear to your heart.  They have your heart as well as your ear! Meaning, what they say to you is of great value.

Think of it this way, when you work hard within a company and you know you are giving it your very best, you like to know that you are valued right? No one wants to go work hard for someone and feel as though what they do doesn’t matter, isn’t appreciated, or not valued. Along with the want to feel valued, you also want to know that you are adding value as well right? You want to know that you make a difference, that what you do is for the betterment of those around you. The same should be for your marriage relationship.

    I’ve heard you mention before, that praying for your spouse and allowing God to change them is best.   What advice can you give to someone who says they do that, but still get hurt (emotionally or verbally) by their spouse?

Personally I believe you should pray for your spouse anyway. Realize that absolutely under no circumstances can you make anyone change. A person must first realize the need for change, and in fact want to change. Don’t just pray for them when you “feel” they need to be prayed for. But pray for them to have a good day, a prosperous and blessed day. If you’re ever in a situation where you feel you’ve given your all, and your spouse still “can’t get right” then by all means, PRAY! But in your praying you should first pray and ask God if there are any adjustments that YOU NEED to make in your life as oppose to your spouse. If there is, TRUST ME He will make you very aware. A lot of time we look at all the “wrong” we think our spouse is doing instead of focusing on the role we are actually playing in it all. You may say “well I’m not doing anything wrong”. If that’s the case, continue to walk in love with your spouse the same way you would if they were doing everything right according to your standards. Love never fails! I’m not speaking of the way we love as humans but the God kind of love!- Loving a person despite their imperfections. After all, no one is perfect right? Allow room for their flaws, because I’m pretty sure they allow room for yours.

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This is so awesome! Just one more question. My readers are primarily women, but what can you share for my guys?  What do we need from them?  What do we want to tell them?

Ok fellas! Most all women simply need to be loved! Pay attention to us! What I mean by this is to observe us by learning our love language. Not every woman desires affection, some may simply just want to talk. Not every woman needs words of affirmation; some may want to be held! We all may not want to talk in the moment but may rather be told how beautiful you think we are. The most valuable thing you could ever give to anyone is time. Time is something you can’t get back, ever. By devoting the time to actually learn your spouse is of the utmost importance. By simply noticing things about us they we may not even notice about ourselves speak volumes. It lets us know you see us, the real us!

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and letting God use you through this platform. I know my readers will be blessed!!  Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with planning for your big day. But there is something terribly wrong with not planning for the after party. Marriage just like any other relationship is what YOU make it. So do your best to make your marriage relationship the best one possible!

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